Minnesotan to Californian

Just yesterday, I made the move from Minnesota, to California.. A bigger home, new people, new environment, and a chance to start all over. At this point, it seems pretty great. Pine trees to palm trees, lakes to the ocean, etc. I guess since I've been to California so many times already, it doesn't seem too weird. Maybe it's because it only seems like a vacation? I mean tomorrow, we're going to Korea. It seems a bit like we're going to come back to Minnesota right afterwards but that's not the case. I called Minnesota home for 14 years. The place I call home, is a place that I will no longer be able to see again. I saw my friends for the last time on the 22nd. They say that it's not the last time I'm going to see them and that's true, but in reality, I won't see them like how I will remember them. They will change. They won't be the same people and I won't be able to do anything about it. I'll have pictures to remember these cherished memories. Another thing about moving, is that back in Minnesota, I knew where everything was. I still have the mental image of everywhere I went. Not being able to see that, is another weird thought. When I come back, I know that everything and everyone will have changed, but I guess getting over the thought is a part of moving on. Goodbye Minnesota.

Moving On.

I'm sitting here in my bed, eating wheat thins, texting people, listening to music and thinking. The song changed to Kids in Love by Mayday Parade and it made me wonder... why can't I get you out of my head? What makes you so important? There are so many other people out there. You don't even talk to me like you used to, I always try to make as much conversation as I can but you still reply and our conversations are just boring. I can understand why I liked you but now that I think about it, why should you even be on my mind? Why should I care? I shouldn't. That's the answer. I have better people to talk to and frankly, other people that actually care. Our past was amazing, the present is shaky, and I'm quite sure, that there is no future for us. And I hope I'm right because I don't want you or need you in my thoughts or head. I just realized that this "blog" thing is where I just vent because there isn't anyone I'd rather tell. Anyways, it was great while it lasted, but now it's time for me to move on. I bid you farewell.(:

Tonight Tonight

"It's been a really really messed up week, seven days of torture seven days of bitter."

Well no that was last week or the week before mostly. I decided I'm going to incorporate songs that I enjoy for every thing that I post on here. I learned that when you're feeling down, try to hide it away and just chill with your friends. If you hide your sadness, maybe you'll even hide it from yourself. It somewhat works for me when I'm with my friends! We do the stupidest, but also most fun stuff when we're all together. My friends are my life.

"Lalala whatever lalala it doesn't matter lalala oh well lalala we're going at it tonight tonight there's a party on the roof top top of the world, tonight tonight we're dancing on the edge of the Hollywood sign."

Actually, go to an amusement park. I went with my friends two days ago and it was enjoyable! I've finally, mostly gotten rid of my fear of rides(: Mostly. It was fun to be there with them and we definitely saw/heard some weird things. "I want a girlfriend who's nerdy, but not nerdy dorky. She has to be nerdy geeky!" Hahahahahaha. There was also this man who looked sorta like a hippie. Long hair, tye dye shirt, bright yellow skinny jeans with a headband! Apparently my friends think that this guy from our school is going to turn out like that when he gets older. That would be silly. I love my friends and spending time with them, we always have the best time and when I'm with them, I forget all about my worries!

Stop Standing There

All this talking to you I don't know what I'm to do, I don't know where you stand, what's inside of your head. All this thinking of you, is that what you're doing too, you're always on my mind, I talk about you all the time.

Don't you hate it when that guy gives you mixed signals? One day, he'll act like he likes you a ton, then the next, he won't even talk to you. Why can't they be straight forward about how they feel? Why do they have to play all these games? I don't understand why they have to go through all of this. I just want you to come out and tell me. I want you to tell me if you actually do like me or not. I want you to stop standing there. It would make life easier if he did because then, wouldn't we able to start a relationship and make more memories? There would be more things to talk about when we're telling our life stories. As the time goes by, I hope you realize, that if you asked me to, I just might be with you.

Open up your heart, help me understand, please tell me who you are, so I can show you who I am.

It's a love story baby just say yes..

It's a love story baby just say yes... It seems as if to Taylor Swift, love is found easily but in reality, it's difficult. My definition of love has always been "Love is different for everyone, once you experience it, you'll know what it's like to fall in love." Well I have been and getting over that person is extremely difficult... especially when you have to hide it. You might say that I'm too young to know what real love is, but does love really have a number that is used to define it?

Back to the point, I knew this guy for about 4 or 5 years now. I only started talking to him last year but I also discovered a new side of him. Sure, when he's around his friends he can act pretty annoying and stupid but he's also funny. When you really get to know him though, he's super nice, sweet, and sensitive. I'm going to try to not make this obvious but he's an interesting guy. We spent a month together and we both knew that we liked each other all over again, but we couldn't tell anyone. It was our own secret. He knew everything about me and I knew everything about him.

Saying good-bye to him was one of the hardest goodbyes I had to say to anyone this summer... so far. I hope that one day, I'll see him again soon. Maybe we'll fall back in love, maybe he'll have learned to love someone else but he isn't ever going to leave my mind. He's always going to be there and I'll never forget him. "This is kind of embarrassing... but last night, I had a dream about you. We were on our first date and everything was perfect." Little does he know, I still dream about him every night.

Saying Goodbye

One of the hardest things that I've ever had to do, is say goodbye.

Yesterday we had this Gala for a music institute that I went to. It was four weeks long and leaving it was one of the hardest things I had to do. I made so many friends as well as have become better friends with many people. I had this quartet, we were a quartet for four years, and yesterday was our last performance. I'm moving out to California while two of the former members(brothers) are moving out to France. One guy is left here so obviously, the quartet is no more. I've had so many memories with them all. I never realized how important they were to me until the day we parted. I realize that in a sense, they were like my brothers. They were really fun to be around and they made me smile nonstop. I miss them

The stress of having to leave them is killing me inside. I've cried 4 times already, in the span of about 20 hours. Everybody from Bravo! became so close to me. We were all related due to our love for music. They're all such amazing people and I can't believe that after six years, I have to say goodbye. This was the best year of Bravo! and one of the most memorable moments of my life. I will love them forever and miss them until the day I die.<3